Chips & Beer’s Candy Primer: CHUNKY
Rip “Ded” Junkins was the first guy I knew who contracted cholera and dysentery from ass-eating. Rip’s girl, Amber Poteet, encouraged the guy to mug her donut. He complied, and also stuck stuff in there: drumsticks, car keys, Star Wars figures—-and, on one occasion, a Chunky candy bar. Through a detailed and impassioned retelling, Rip explained he broke the bar in two, and stuck it in Amber’s rectum piecemeal. Of course the bar melted immediately and Rip was left with a “chocoment” mudtrail to lap up. “I’d do it again, bud,” he said, and was out in time to see Megadeth the following weekend.